Isn’t it the worst, most offsetting feeling to be in when someone you admire on such a large scale becomes the person that makes you extremely disheartened?
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Transition.
March 4, 2009 – 6:00 pm
This blog is usually my place of negative ranting; there’s never really been any positive energy that gets emitted from here, and I kind of like that actually. Not necessarily cause I’m a sad and depressing person—it really is the opposite—but usually I come to this place late at night when my heart and mind are truly honest. And I intend to keep it that way…even though hardly a single soul visits this place. I’ll get an occasional comment here and there, which is nice. And its usually the people who know a much darker side of me, only cause they know the brighter side of me as well.
I know for a fact that God sets this offset feeling into my soul, just to make Himself known to me. A constant reminder of the reality of life; it has its ups and downs, and soon do we forget that God is everpresent in every situation, but reveals himself more in the much rougher times of our lives. Some may call it a crutch of some sort and some say to rely on human strength to persevere…but honestly, we can’t rely on ourselves at all. We’re human. We’re full of mistakes. I think it’s just hard for people to believe that someone out there is perfect and reliant and willing to take all of our burdens from ourselves. But He’s real.
Anyway, the point I’m getting at is… I’ve been accepted to CalArts, an art school here in California! An odd segue from the previous paragraph, I know, but I think it has everything to do with it. Only cause this time, I have something positive to say this time around. I’m very excited, scared, worried, nervous, happy, and ecstatic—all rolled up into one giant emotion. But I think now is the right time to transition into the unknown. Pretty exciting.
Change.
January 11, 2009 – 3:34 pm
For me, I think this year started with a build up of insecurities. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. I’ve blogged about this before, but I think this is a serious epidemic for me because it wasn’t such a big deal to me before. But as the year began I constantly found myself comparing and coveting things and my focus is so derailed by such thoughts.
If there’s anything I want this year, it’s change.
Vague.
November 25, 2008 – 5:03 am
Some people always wonder why I’m so mysterious or confusing in terms of talking about myself. And I guess I can be honest this once: I’m insecure. Not about myself per se, but more of the fact that in this day and age it is so hard to know who to trust, especially when being transparent. It’s even hard for me to express my emotions to people who I hold accountable to myself. And really that’s the bottom line.
This is How I Feel Part 2.
October 17, 2008 – 1:17 pm
If the things I’ve done for others seem to have bear no fruit, be it inspiration, respect, and/or [most importantly] a reflection of my Faith, then it only proves that whatever purpose it served, it was probably done for selfish reasons.
This is how I feel.
September 25, 2008 – 12:50 pm
I’ve done a lot of free/underpaid work in my career as a designer. I love my job. Really, I do. I usually do work for free if I find something that will benefit me in terms of inspiration or drive…y’know…fueling that flame of creativity. I’m always grateful for such opportunities for that reason.
However, I feel like I’ve been running on empty as of late. It’s become more work than it is passion. Maybe it’s the feeling of being under appreciated that has been making me feel dry. I feel undermined, taken for granted and taken advantage of lately. It’s probably my own fault though, seeing as how I always force myself onto certain jobs.
I want to work for good people because I do my best work for them. When there is a mutual feeling of respect and admiration, that is when my work truly shines and is at its best, and lately I haven’t gotten any of that.
I don’t think you’ll ever understand. Ever.
21
September 12, 2008 – 11:45 pm
I am of legal age to drink.
Too bad I’m a straight-edge.
Thanks to all past, present, and future [ahem] Birthday wishes…I’ll thank you all individually when I get them. Haha.
My birthdays are never anything eventful or spectacular. Today I just plan on going to work, having lunch with someone, and later tonight I’m going to Brooke Fraser’s show with a small number of friends. It should be another amazing show, however I am saddened by the many who opted to go to Magic Mountain instead of going to the show for my birthday.
Anyway, I will have a good day, regardless :].
Opposites.
August 21, 2008 – 2:16 pm
Anyone have that feeling of attraction to people you’re completely opposite to? I’m very drawn to them but I don’t exactly know why. I think maybe cause it’s good to get a different perspective on certain things, or maybe it’s just to keep yourself in check of who you are as an individual. I prefer the latter, though.
While on the note of people and friendship (heheh), I usually say I like to keep a small circle of friends, but these days it’s becoming hard to find someone to trust and confide in without rubbing them the wrong way. Even though I find comfort in being alone sometimes, but in all honesty, I’d like to be that trusting and confideable person for someone (okay okay, confideable is not a word but you understand).
I like to think I’m pathetic a lot. Hahaha.
One thing.
July 28, 2008 – 12:34 pm
There is one thing that I truly dislike about myself…and that would be the fact that I have a large tendency to compare myself to others, in a sense that I can never live up to them. Usually it’s revolves around thesuperficial…physical appearance, talent, skill, athleticism…I think i’ll stop there cause I’m just making myself look like a loser.
It’s kind of pathetic. Yes, beauty is only skin deep, yes it definitely is a shallow ideal, but honestly, I’ve never felt true confidence with myself. Even though I am pretty confident when it comes to anything art or design oriented…but I want more than that.
…I feel like a Made episode.
If I had lived Elsewhere.
May 30, 2008 – 1:44 pm
It took at least two or three years of house hunting for my parents to finally stay in this wonderful suburb of Burbank. I would always ride along during their drives to different parts of the city, ranging from an uninhabited/undeveloped of the now flourishing Santa Clarita Valley to…San Dimas (Sorry to those who aren’t familiar with the Los Angeles area). For a while we felt like we were set on moving to Santa Clarita, claiming a house, and deciding what school we’d be going to, etc. etc. I was excited to move, that s until they lost the house to some credit issues.
Eventually we kept the search going. My parents always had their eyes set here on Burbank. After our first house fire we stayed at the Holiday Inn and eventually some apartment complex in Burbank. And by God’s will, we got this wonderful home (after our remodeling of course).
Although what goes on in my mind constantly is what would I be like if we lived elsewhere. Who would my friends be? Would I still have an interest in art? What kind of things would I be in to? Where would I go to church? I think I’ve had dreams about this type of thing numerous times; different lifestyles, different outlooks on life, etc. etc.
And then after a long bit of daydreaming, I get back to the realization that I live here in Burbank. The friends I’ve made and/or the friends I still have. The family feuds and the family parties. The good and the bad. It just doesn’t matter to know what would’ve happened if I lived elsewhere, because I love where I live.